| Wednesday, April 25, 2007 |
| Religious Ramblings |
Having a baby is amazing. Duh. I love how the Hippo wakes up in the morning - all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed - he smiles and laughs and kisses. Yum!
My husband and I are Orthodox Jews. At times, I wane in my dedication to religious law, though (almost) never in my faith in God. I sort of expected that when the Hippo arrived, I would experience this religious rebirth - a reaffirmation of my faith and my desire to perfect my observance so as to pass it on to my offspring.
Yeah. Right.
That SO didn't happen.
What did happen? I had a hard time seeing my child as Jewish. We had the whole circumcision (boy, was that about the hardest thing I've ever done) and our rabbi was one of the first people to see him. My husband joyously blessed him on his first Shabbat and then welcomed the guests who came to the Shalom Zachar (a "welcome baby" reception on the baby's first Friday night). Yet, when I looked at the Hippo, all I saw was my little boy.
I dreamed of taking him to the lake and the woods, of reading my favorite childhood books to him, of teaching him to swim. Was religious education in there anywhere? Nope. Nada. I even felt at first like I shouldn't push my religion on him (I don't push it on any other human beings, after all). Logically, I know this would be a HUGE mistake. I've always thought that it is better to bring a child up in religion and then let him reject it later on if he needs to - not that I would want him to, but he's got free will like everyone else.
So, what of it? I'm still there - not really realizing that soon I'll have to start teaching him to say brachot (blessings). I already say the "Shema" (night time prayers, basically) with him at night (when I remember) and would sing "Hamalach hagoel" (more night time prayers) with him if I could ever remember to ask my friend how it fits with the Brahm's lullaby tune. I have even washed negel wasser (ceremonial washing of the hands upon awaking in the morning) with him a few times - though I have a hard enough time remembering to do it myself. My heart wasn't in these activities at first, but I'm starting to feel their importance. I don't know whoever said, "Fake it till you make it", but in this case, it appears to be true.
What's going well for me religiously? I talk to God way more than I used to. Not whole conversations. I mean, I don't really hear anything in response (though the answers come in other ways, to be sure). I ask and thank. I ask God every day to protect my little boy and to keep him safe with me and Papa M. I ask God for wisdom about whether or not to vaccinate him at this tender age (another whole can of worms). I thank God for sending us such a wonderful little boy. I thank God for returning us home safely from a trip.
Basically, I talk to God a WHOLE lot more than I used to. Do I stand in the corner with my prayerbook saying the proscribed prayers? No way, Jose. But I feel connected. I feel God's BIG-ness (as much as a human can). I guess that's enough for now.Labels: education, judaism |
posted by Mama K @ 12:33 PM  |
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